Zoopets komiska hörna (allt från historier till dråpliga händelser)

[Marie J]

Tog en liten stund innan jag fatta den. Är väl trött efter en hård dag på jobbet.

Simba sängen *asg*

[Raven]

trött och uppe så här sent eller du kanske jobbar kväll.

Why is it called a MISSile, if it was made to hit things, why was it not, called an Hitile?

[Marie J]

Jobbar kvällskift och kom hem för en liten stund sen.

[Raven]

kvällsskift då får du sovmorgon idag då

IS WINDOWS A VIRUS?

No, Windows is not a virus. Here’s what viruses do:


1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay Windows does that too.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system to slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that’s with Windows, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus, but there are fundamental differences. Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as ther mature.

So Windows is not a virus.

It’s a bug.

[Raven]

Gorilla in a Tree

A man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree. He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun.

"Now listen carefully," he told the homeowner, "I'm going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The trained Chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctivly crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap the handcuffs on"

"Ok, got it." the homeowner replied. "But whats that shotgun for?"

"If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla," the man said, "shoot the Chihuahua."

[Raven]

...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
...why doctors call what they do "practice"?
...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing
liquid is made with real lemons?

...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for
the indestructible black box?

...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of
progress?

...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (and that's the only
time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that
would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but,
it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
down."(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce
the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those
5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking
this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,
somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news
flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly." I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this
one

On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."

[Raven]

A Blind Intersection

A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.

When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.

The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.

The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!"

The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"

[Raven]

A blonde was driving down the motorway when her car phone rang. It was
her husband, urgently warning her, "Darling, I just heard on the news that
there's a car going the wrong way on the M25, please be careful out there!"

The blonde screamed, "No, no it's not just one car, there's friggin thousands of them!"

[Raven]

This postman is working on a new beat. He comes to the garden gate
marked BEWARE OF THE PARROT!
He looks down the garden and, sure enough, there's a parrot
sitting on its perch. He has a little chuckle to himself at the sign
and the parrot on its perch. He opens the gate and walks into
the garden.
He gets as far as the parrot's perch, when
it screeches: "REX, ATTACK!"

---

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Mother is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, and the burglar crept forward again."Mother is watching you!" the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Mom is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: "What's your name?""Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Mother!"

[Raven]

Alfred, who is known for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four-thirty a.m. by his ringing telephone...

"Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an angry voice.

Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up.

The next morning at precisely four-thirty a.m., Bernard called his neighbor back ...

"Good morning, Mr. Williams.... Just called to say that I don't *have* a dog."


har du några roliga skämt att läsa innan du går till sängs Marie

[RÖDLÖGA]

Tog en liten stund innan jag fatta den. Är väl trött efter en hård dag på jobbet.

Simba sängen *asg*

Det var samma för mig.

[RÖDLÖGA]

Brädgård!

Det kommer in en blind man på en brädgård i den lilla staden och frågar om han får prata med förmanen. När förmannen kommer fram så frågar den blinde mannen:
-Goddag, jag undrar om ni har något ledig arbete åt mig?

-Men ni är ju blind, då kan ni ju inte arbeta här.

- Jodå, jag kan känna igen vilket trästycke som helst bara genom att lukta på det, och desutom veta hur stort det är.

Förmannen ser tvivlande ut och säger:
- Det här måste han se innan han tror på det, så han hämtar en två metersbit av björk från en brädhög och håller upp den under mannens näsa.

-Björk, två meter svarar den blinde direkt.

-Oj, det var inte dåligt säger förmannen. Han hämtar en ny bit. Denna gång tar han en ekbit 8x8 tum från en annan hög. Han håller upp även denna under den blides näsa.

-Ek, 8x8 tum säger mannen.

Förmannen som nu är väldigt imponerad, tänker att nu skall jag sätta dit honom i alla fall. Så han hämtar sin sekreterare. När hon står där så viskar han i hennes öra:
-klä av dig och lägg dig på bordet.

Den blinde mannen lutar på henne uppe från och ner och säger sedan:
- Den här var svår. Kan du vända på plankan?

Förmannen vänder på sekreteraren och den blinde mannen luktar noga på andra sidan också. Till slut säger han:
- Jaa, jag är inte riktigt säker, men kan det vara en skithusdörr på en räktrålare??????????

[RÖDLÖGA]

Något för oss män att tänka på.

[RÖDLÖGA]

Här kommer en till.

[RÖDLÖGA]

Verklighetens Gustav eller?http://www.internetstart.se/bildgalleri/pics/00190.jpg